Sad days indeed

Yesterday was meant to be a day of quiet celebration. On Thursday evening I competed in my first Aquathlon - a 3.5km run and a 300m swim, coming third in my age group, not bad for a first effort. Rob completed in the longer 1000m swim and 7km ride and both of us were cheered on by the kids - a fun day out.

But, celebrations were not to be. Also on Thursday night our friend Glenn went mountain biking (as he regularly does) and at around 10pm Roslyn, his wife got the call that no one should ever receive. Glenn had come off his bike and his companion couldn't find a pulse, the ambulance was on its way.

Another friend and neighbour stayed with Roslyn and Glenn's kids (who are 14 and 11) while I drove Roslyn to the hospital, we arrived in time to see the ambulance pull in, they were still doing CPR. We were taken into the family room and given the barest of details - they were still working on him and would keep us posted. I rang Glenn's parents...

Moments later we were ushered into the emergency room, a team of people were still performing CPR, the head doctor introduced himself and explained that Glenn's heart had inexplicitly slowed and stopped. Paramedics had rendered assistance at the scene and continued to do so for 45 minutes. He further explained that at no time had they managed to restart Glenn's heart and that it was no too late - Glenn had died at time of the crash and they were about to cease all efforts to revive him.

In a situation that was already surreal the doctor then began supplying details about the autopsy, police report, coroner's report and asked was Glenn registered for organ donation? He then proceeded to offer time lines for this process. It was nothing like you see on TV.

Amazingly Roslyn held herself together through all of this - her gallows humour was beyond compare. As she sat with him she asked me to make some calls. "Don't sugar coat it Alison, tell them he's dead" and I did. Meanwhile people kept arriving, and the nurse kept coming in and asking if Roslyn wanted to see them. Most, she didn't so I sent them away.

Sadly, Roslyn then had to decide whether to bring the children back to see their father. Roslyn was just 15 when her father died - history has a cruel way of repeating itself. Roslyn asked could I please make a note that she did not want anyone to bring the family cold chickens - apparently her strongest memory after her father's death is off a fridge packed with seven cooked chooks, carefully prepared by friends and neighbours.

So, we got back in the car and drove across town so that Roslyn could wake the kids and tell them their father was dead. As we walked out of the hospital Roslyn said she felt like she was somehow caught up in a very bad movie. She decided in order to improve the quality of the viewing her character should be played by Cate Blanchett, mine by Drew Barrymore. We laughed because we needed to.

It was heartbreaking to witness the children's shock, disbelief and then some level of comprehension. It was all we could do to get them dressed and in the car - it gave them something to focus on. Many people will question whether it helped or harmed the kids to see their Dad's body but when Roslyn asked I offered my honest opinion. I felt that they would always have questions if they didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I have no idea if this is right or wrong...

And then came the police and the organ donation people - sadly only Glenn's corneas could be donated because of the way he died but it helped the kids to think that Daddy was giving the gift of sight.

It was around 2am when we pulled back into Roslyn's driveway - a long dark to day that will be followed by many more. Roslyn said to me that she found it interesting that she was coping so well and that those around her were falling to pieces when they were only on the edges of the tragedy. She then said in a week's time they'll go back to their lives and she'll be left alone with a life that will never be the same again. Past experience has taught her this is true. She said it was my job to make her laugh because she was going to need to. So, I did and then I went home and left her with her alone with the huge gaping hole in her heart.

Glenn was 46 and a religious man. Those from his Church believe he has been taken home, he's in a better place and it's all part of God's plan. I disagree the best place for him is at home with his family. A friend who is much more pragmatic in her views of God's grand plan - quotes the giving of free will and that bad things happen because people are bad. A more palatable and realistic view perhaps. But Glenn wasn't a bad person so I can only hope that I'm wrong and he is right and there is a higher purpose and he's reaping the rewards. Sadly I think not...