Everything in moderation

Recently a friend came to visit and uttered those famous words, the ones that strike fear into the hardiest of hearts... I know you'll give me an honest answer... Uh oh, emotional minefield coming up! Be alert and very afraid, one wrong utterance and your friend may flounce out of your house and out of your life forever.

I've discovered that most people don't really want to hear the truth. What they want is someone to confirm that their opinion is right (regardless of whether it is or not). I'm talking about those confronting personal truths to do with health, lifestyle and parenting.

So, back to my friend, she had three questions for me (my heart sank even further at this news) but only the first one is relevant to this post.

Did I think she needed to lose weight? Really? Surely the more sensible question was did she think she needed to lose weight? But she asked the question and looked to me for some sort of response so, I took a shot. No, I didn't think she needed to lose weight (and this was indeed the truth) but I did think she shouldn't put any more on either. Her diet is very healthy so I suggested she should consider exercise.

We've been friends for a long time and during the course of our friendship I've watched her change all of her exercise habits, when we met she attended a gym, went on bike rides with the family and caught the bus to work - adding 20 minutes of walking exercise to her day. But slowly over time, she quit the gym, her bike gathered cobwebs and she takes the car to work. She honestly couldn't remember the last time she'd walked anywhere.

The next day as I was walking to the shops I saw her out with her daughter. She gave me a big smile and a thumbs up. A month later that walk was one of only two that she has taken.

A recent research article suggests that in order to deal with the rising obesity crisis governments must treat it the same way we treated smoking. That, with 30 percent of the world population now obese, we can no longer attribute weight gain to a lack of willpower, instead we had to look to convenience food and a an increasingly sedentary lifestyle as the root causes. No big surprises there. But surely people are making choices to eat these foods and to lie on the lounge? The message is out there loud and strong that pre-packaged food is bad for you. yet people are still eating it. So whilst we may not be seeing a collective loss of willpower we are certainly seeing people making bad choices and succumbing to them.

But rather than addressing those choices in a moderate and considered way, society's reaction, lead by the media, is tinged with hysteria. The common element in all those foods is sugar. So now sugar is the bad guy and we should banish it from our diets forever. Really? Surely, a gradual move from a diet consisting of pre-prepared meals to one based on whole foods would be a more sustainable goal.

Change is something you must want. It's no good setting yourself unattainable goals or a schedule that is so ambitious and challenging that it's impossible to maintain. Setting yourself up to fail means you revert to your old habits all too quickly.

But just in case I'm wrong about sugar and it is the root of all evil (not human nature after all), HerCanberra is challenging its readers to a sugar-free day tomorrow. That means no added sugar in anything you eat. So, in the interests of research and fairness I'm taking the challenge. I'm not expecting to have to change my food consumption dramatically but I'm also prepared to be surprised and to honestly report my findings.

(Oh, and in another point of fairness, my friend knows that I'm blogging about our conversation and she said to let you all know she wants to change but she simply doesn't have the willpower!)

What's your super power?

I enjoy reading everyone's posts around this time of year. They're filled with highlights of the past year and hopes, dreams and resolutions for the new year. Or maybe they're just a pictorial summary of your favourite creations! I like that too. Lots of people choose one little word or to play along with the photo a day challenge or embark on project life.

Last year I decided that 2012 was the year without a plan. I think it worked out ok. It certainly put me outside my comfort zone. I like to know where I'm going, what everyone else in the family is up to and to know there is order in my somewhat chaotic life. That said, planning had been the undoing of me in previous years, sometimes to plan is to be disappointed and sometimes disappointment can lead to depression and despair.

So, how was 2012? Well the big ticket item would have to be that none of my friends died. 2010 and 2011 were extremely rough with the cruel and abrupt end for too many good people I knew and loved. The end of 2011 also saw one friend diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. The outlook was dire but he's still here today, 17 chemo treatments later. Alive and rejoicing!

In other news I took two overseas holidays (New Zealand and Bali), got a promotion and bought a new car and a thermomix. Not bad highlights when you reflect on them. Sometimes not a having plan works out nicely. None were expected activities or purchases but they were all were fun and rewarding in their own way. One day in February I also walked past a gym, decided to go in and took out a membership. I then attended regularly and, got rid of all that nasty doughy flesh that had crept up around my middle - not planned but very rewarding!

The things about not planning that I didn't enjoy were having to go to the supermarket everyday, having no idea about what I was going to wear to work each day and missing the bus regularly.

So, what did I learn? I need and desire simple things to be planned. It's easier not to sweat the small stuff if you're organised and in control. 2013 will see a return to menu planning, outfit identification (at the least the night before if not for the entire week) as this will also solve the bus problem. I won't be running around deciding what necklace and belt to wear when I should be ambling up the road to the bus stop.

2012 was very much a mixed bag. I suffered from skin cancer, a condition that took the best part of twelve months to diagnose and mere (but extremely nasty) six weeks to treat. I had surgery for ovarian cysts and suffered both a shoulder and hip injury (exercise induced). Rob was diagnosed with life threatening cholesterol and a foot injury that may mean he can never run again. It makes me pause to wonder what condition we'd be in if we lived an unhealthy lifestyle... I think the classic moment was when the dietitian said she'd like to cut Rob open and see what was going on inside as he has no outwards signs of a cholesterol problem (he's a slim, fit, a non drinker).

Zoe and Angus continued to grow and prosper. Both scored jobs at McDonalds and are steadily building up their millions. Zoe finished year 10 and we waved her off to France for seven long weeks (only two weeks until she's home again). Angus has been enjoying his single child status, watching far too much sport on television, in between attending futsel, touch football, surfing lessons and the gym. It could be worse!

So I guess that brings me back to 2013. Apart from the obvious stuff - small plans and getting healthy - I'm going to be kind. What kind of kind? All sorts really. I'm already kind to strangers, small children and animals. I treat my friends and family with respect and can be relied on to be there and do the right thing. But all too often inside my head there is a very different dialogue to the one that I'm speaking and modelling.

Here's the deal - call it my character flaw. I love logic and am solution-driven. My super power is common sense, so if you ask my advice expect it to be practical and doable. I will give you sympathy but not over and over. If you refuse to change and help yourself, my sympathy will dissipate. And therein lies the problem, I know some people don't want to be helped, they aren't looking for a solution, just a kindly ear to listen to them. So, I will try to be kinder, I will silence the voice in my head that's saying "oh come on, this old chestnut again, pull yourself together" and just smile and nod.

Being internally kind can also take many other forms but I'm still mulling them over in my head so for the moment let's see how these quiet acts of kindness play out.

Be kind to yourself!