Falling off the happiness wagon

Two years ago I spotted a job I wanted, it wasn’t advertised, there was someone already filling the position but, nonetheless I said to myself, that’s the job I want. Nine months ago I got that job.

It’s only now, after being sick for two weeks, I realise with crystal clarity that at some time during those nine months I fell off the happiness wagon. This time last year I had it all, fabulous work-life balance, I was doing interesting, rewarding work which fitted neatly around going to the gym, scrapbooking, friends and most importantly spending time with my family. Life, in hindsight, was pretty comfortable.

But I had put the wheels in motion and I was on an ever-upward trajectory culminating in the new position, the increased responsibility, the long hours and ultimately a complete loss of perspective. This abandoned blog is merely part of the fallout.

Two very  different conversations have made me realise just how far I strayed from the things that make me happy and are of real value. The first conversation was at 6.30pm on a Wednesday evening, the day before I got sick. I’d worked another 11 hour day, collecting Angus from rugby training on my way home.

As we walked to the car our conversation went like this:

“Have you got a new job?”.

 I shook my head, “no it’s the same one I’ve had since before Christmas”.

“Well, you’ve been working really long hours, I hope you’ve had a pay rise, I really think you need to rethink your work-life balance”.

His words stopped me in my tracks, I had successfully negotiated a pay rise just the month before but was that when I started working ridiculously long hours, when I stopped being there for my kids, my husband and myself? How could a 15 year old see and verbalise the things I could not?

Fast forward through a week and a half of truly miserable cold and flu symptoms that left me weak and wrung out. Rob and I were talking to Zoe about The Future – she is struggling with whether her decision about wanting to be a vet is the right one. Both Rob and I told her it’s ok not to know what you want to be and that lots of people don’t.  Rob then said she should be whatever she wanted to be and not be influenced by what others thought she should do. It was then I said:

“I knew what I wanted to do, but I allowed other people to influence me into taking another direction, but eventually I studied it and I’m still doing it 20 years later”.

Both Rob and Zoe looked puzzled and Zoe said “what’s that?”

My response, “PR, darling...” and we all laughed but it’s true. I love public relations, always have and always will. The job I’m doing now maybe a more serious version of it but essentially it remains the same – promoting ideas and actions.

So, where to now? Well first I’m going to get well! Then I’m making some adjustments, using the perspective I’ve gained from my children (again) and prioritising happiness. Life is too short and too valuable to fall off that wagon. I love my job but it should only be part of the package that is my life.