On Saturday Angus' rugby team took to the pitch in a tightly contested game to secure a place in the grand final. Sadly Angus' team was not victorious and my boy was devastated. This photo says it all really.
As the captain, Angus felt responsible for the way his team played and this game marked the first time ever that he wouldn't play in a grand final. Tough times for a boy who takes sport very seriously.
But what really surprised me was people's reaction to the news of the loss. So many people said 'oh it's good to lose', 'a valuable lesson', 'best that he gets used to that feeling now', 'it's not good to win all the time' etc. But why? I didn't ever say that Angus was a bad loser or that he expected an easy win, or he didn't offer 110 percent? So, why is it a good thing that he lost?
If my daughter got less than 95 percent for an assessment piece would people utter the same pop psychology? No, I don't think so. She wants to be a vet and needs a near perfect year 12 score to achieve this goal. People seem to understand her need to excel academically.
But we all have our strengths and passions. We want to excel at those things, we want to win. And that is a good thing. Without drive and ambition we would be a very mediocre society.
I challenged many of the people who made these statements with the line 'but why is winning bad, I like to win, don't you?' and the reactions were astounding. The words they heard was that I was a sore loser, that I was sending a bad message to my children. How wrong could they be?
My message is simple, losing is part of life but we don't need to pretend to like the way it feels. Strive to win, to do your best, to give it your all. Learn from your losses, dust yourself off and start again, do it differently next time but whatever you do, don't let that loss dull your passion.
I'm very proud of my children and they way they approach their life goals. Irrespective of what those aspirations are, the message is the same 'be and do the best you can'. I strive to live by that same motto, to provide the best example I can, to live a happy and positive life - to be a winner.
And since I'm their biggest fan, it's no surprise that both challenges I completed at Wicked this month are of my kids :)
I'd be interested to hear what you think? Am I setting my kids up for failure? Or do you think it was my use of the word 'win' that caused such a negative reaction?
4 comments:
Fab post Ali. I agree with what you say but do understand where people are coming from because that is how most think it should be. It does hurt to lose but like you said, dust yourself off and strive to achieve again. Unfortunately our boys know of losses more than wins at their young age so when their teams do start to win, it will be the best feeling ever for them.
Love your pages. Great designs with the white space and just love the splats on Zoe's page and the masking on Angus's page. Great work.
Sad to hear of Angus and his team not making it to the final this year. I don't really know what to say but it made me think of that Muriel's Wedding scene where David says to 'Marial' - 'I want to win. I've always wanted to win' and she says 'So do I'. They are talking about winning different things but the feeling is the same in that each person should strive to be at the top no matter what it is they are wanting. What's the point in just existing and going about life without a goal or something to achieve? xo
You can just feel his dejection, poor lad.
I love the motto you are instilling in your children Ali and I love your pages!!
I think that it is fabulous to be passionate about your sport, hobby, or whatever. I think it gives a purpose and a drive. It gives you a reason to get out there and do it. And if at the end of the day it doesn't end as expected why do you have to smile and say...." oh well I did my best" That does not compensate..kick the ground,shed a tear, be thorougly pxxxxxed of. I think that is fair enough. It gives you the passion to go out there and try again. We are so politically correct these days that kids are not allowed to experience pain, anger, frustration without being called a bad sport. Go you good thing Angus, next year is not far away and another opportunity this time to celebrate....or would that be considered poor sportsmanship because the other team would feel bad.
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Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving your kind thoughts. I appreciate you taking the time. x Ali.