Grief and moving on

My life has changed dramatically in the past 18 months and not necessarily for the better. There are things I'll never get back. No more motor bike or horse riding, no running, stair climbing or even standing up without effort. I've lost my higher brain function, my ability to walk without a cane, my career and so much more. Sure, some of these things will eventually return but when is anyone's guess.

Yet through all this time, as I've watched myself unravel and disappear before my eyes, I've been told the strangest things by all manner of people - you're young and fit (when I was lying in a hospital bed unable to move), you'll be fine (when I had to go back for a second procedure), so many other people are worse off than you (I had no idea it was a competition), how lucky you are (when I had to extend my sick leave because I couldn't yet drive or walk) and the biggest stinker of them all - everything happens for a reason. Please!

I read an interesting blog post today on that very topic. Tim Lawrence wrote a compelling piece about living with pain and how everything doesn't happen for a reason. Sometimes bad stuff just happens, there is no life lesson to be learned, the person isn't better off for the experience. It's simply bad. Horrible even.

I realise now I've been grieving for my old life, my easy mobility, my quick wit and reliable intellect. Of course I have, it's only natural. So why then am I not allowed to acknowledge this grief and why do others try to so hard to convince me that this very bad thing is actually not so bad or even good?

Probably because it makes them feel better. Probably because they have no concept of what I live with every day and you know what? I wouldn't wish that upon anyone else. But if you ask me how I am and I tell you I'm fine it's because I can see that you don't really want to know. Or worse still, if I make an effort to tell you what's going on, don't invalidate my experiences by saying 'well it's great to hear things are improving' when I've just told you the opposite.

Of course the flip side is the core group of people who do understand and have been incredible. And I'm lucky to be surrounded by them. But still it hasn't insulated me from the worst people of all; those who believe they fit into the latter group but are actually the former. The advice givers. The ones who rush to tell you their own tales of woe and then sweep out of the room before you've had a chance to utter a word. Or the fair weather friends who simply disappear only to reappear later when they need something from you.

So, please, let me be sad for a moment, let me mourn the loss of the old me and move on to embracing the new me in my time. No, not the timing that works best with your schedule, fits your world view or matches the advice you gave me. My time, this moment right here. Now.

The worm farmer

This year has been a long hard slog. The ongoing challenges caused by the pain in my knee and hip have put a dent in my creativity. Some days I'd really like to scrap but I just can't get there. So, I've been looking for other distractions and outlets and have been having some fun in my little veggie patch. On the weekend I constructed a worm tower.

I was given this four (ok, almost five) years ago but somehow never got around to installing it. I have a vague recollection of thinking the hole was far too deep for me to dig...

Anyway we've been in this house for a year now and my veggie patch could do with a boost of wormy goodness. What's a worm tower you say? Well, it's like a regular worm farm but its tube-shaped and you bury it in the garden so all the goodness is right there where it's needed. Of course this means you don't get the worm juice but the real bonus is that in this hot dry climate the worms are nice and cool and are less inclined to die after a baking day in the sun. Conversely they're less likely to freeze in Winter either.

Zoe is currently in Norway and while taking a break from learning about the Viking ways and chasing the Northern Lights, she was very excited about the upcoming installation so, I took a series of photos and gave her a blow-by-blow update via messenger. She was very impressed by my hole digging skills. I've popped those pics into a couple of collages to share here.

Installing the tower was incredibly easy.

Step 1 - find your long-lost worm tower or watch a YouTube video and learn how to make your own, McGyver-style. Mine's from Birdies.

Step 2 - dig a hole 400mm deep. This was surprisingly easy but I was installing mine in a raised garden bed. Not the cold hard earth elsewhere in the backyard.

Step 3 - insert the tower.

Step 4 - backfill the hole, making sure all the holes are covered by soil. Only about 100mm of your tower should be above the ground.

And now for the fun part - installing your worms.

Step 1 - add about 100mm of shredded newspaper (thanks Roslyn) and wet it down.

Step 2- add your worms. the experts suggest you add at least 500 but can add up to 2000. They also say that your worms will double in population in 10 weeks. My worms came from my friend, Nikki's compost heap. They're a lovely healthy wriggly bunch. No idea how many of them there are...

Step 3 - add some snacks. This is a thin layer of kitchen scraps to keep your worms happy and well fed. I added a banana skin, the ends of some snowpeas and a pear core - delicious!

Step 4 - whack the lid on and you're done. Check back in a week to see if the scraps have been demolished. Add some more adjusting the quality accordingly. If you find your tower is a tad on the nose you can sprinkle some lime on top.

Note - If, like me, you want your worms to deal with your cat and dog's poo drop some in the bottom of the tower before Step 1. Again there are loads of YouTubing experts out there to reassure you that this an ok way to compost the poo without risking a nasty transfer of toxins to your soil or the food you're growing. If you're worried do some research or just leave out this step. One of the keener YouTubers had a series of four towers all looking after his dog's poo. He doesn't add garden scraps just more poo whenever his dog delivers!

Now skipping to the end of this process, in about six months your tower should be full of lovely composted material, worm casings and, of course, worms. Time to pull your tower out and start again in a new location. Feel free to recycle your worms!

Happy worm farming!

Scrapbooking Top 50 September Challenge

This month SBT50 has a tic tac toe challenge:

Here's my take:

Just like in the real game I had a few false starts before I completed a row. I started with glitter, moved to arrows and then completed leaves, washi and strip journalling.

The funky paper and moulded flowers are part of a new release from CTMH, The bow, doily and arrow are from D-lish Scraps.

And the awesome leaf is from Rainbow Splendour. In excellent news Rainbow Splendour is having a new release tomorrow. New goodies and old favourites - yay!

I took this selfie as I headed back to work after 175 long days of medically-enforced leave. The strip journalling gives a glimpse of what I was thinking and feeling but I also included some journalling on the project life card tucked behind the photo.

The journalling reads: Gosh! Look at those wrinkles... I guess that's what happens when you have a knee replacement that goes wrong, lose (and then find) your daughter in a cyclone, have another knee procedure - more painful than the last, your son starts Year 11 and more. So much more...

This year has been tough. My knee still isn't right. I don't know if it ever will be but on this day it was nothing but blue skies!

I hope you've been celebrating the blue sky days too. Life is short and can change in an instant, don't take it for granted xx

Paper Dvizhnik September Challenge

Every month Charm posts a list of challenges in a facebook event. And this challenge by Paper Dvizhnik was included:

I loved the colours in this moodboard and they were perfect with a bunch of photos that I had ready to scrap. I've been doing a mix of traditional and PL pages in Zoe's album. Here's what I came up with using the moodboard:

And a close up featuring a new Charms Creation Terrific Tab:

This was a great challenge and I'll definitely be checking out what they have on offer next month.

Thanks for stopping by.

Scrap the Boys September

This month Scrap the Boys had a funky sketch:

My take:

And a close up:

The journalling is on the tag behind the photo and tells the story of how my son ended up with these slippers. I took him and my mum shopping for slippers, Mum wanted moccasins and Angus wanted ugg boots but they didn't have any in his size. He seized upon these slippers claiming them to be both 'old man slippers' and 'nifty' - funny kid.

I used my newest CTMH stamps and inks to create the background and then added the Lawn Fawn papers, a D-lish flair, some enamel dots, sequins and cotton as well as some random stickers and tags from my stash.

Thanks for stopping by.

D-lish Scraps

So, my plans of blogging throughout the month amounted to nothing! Here's another challenge I completed and photographed way back at the beginning of the month.

The moodboard:

My take:

Some close ups:

The paper is from the latest The Scrappery kit was a perfect match for this month's D-lish's Just Add Paper kit.

Another page for Zoe's Vanuatu album :)

Happy scrapping.

Scrap the girls September

Every month I happily scrap away and then do a mad scramble to post all my LOs for the various challenges in the last couple of days of the month. So, I've decided to try something different this month - let's see how it goes, it's early days... Today I photographed and edited the four LOs I've completed and now I'm blogging about one even though every fibre in my body is instructing me to step away from the computer and to re-enter my craft empire. And the force in that room is strong ;)

So without further ado here's this months's STG sketch.

And here's my take.

 I used the latest Scrappery kit

and a fabulous new Terrific Tab from Charms 

a CTMH flair, some Stampin' Up washi and a D-lish cabochon. 

Some more close ups:

Thanks for stopping by.